You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's shark week go big or go home
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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