He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
