I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
