he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
