Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
