we're blogging at a bar
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
