everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
