There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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