census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
