Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
