This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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