with your own penis?
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she peed on how many people?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
