Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
