He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
