I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Can I color on your dick again?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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