The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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