Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
