I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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