did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize