To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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