im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
