sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize