So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
