I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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