just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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