I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
