No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My life is pants optional.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
