You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
