I just made out with a guy for $7.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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