dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
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I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
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I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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