I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
