my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
