What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
