I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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