Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Swine flu. Run for my life!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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