Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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