I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
