Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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