pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
