Whod you bang
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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