Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
