I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
