I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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