forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So vagazzling was a success
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