My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize