Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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