My brain says no but my pants say off.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
