DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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