you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
