Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
