I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
