So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
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Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
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i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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