I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
