dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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