well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
