I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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