I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
