Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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