There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
