Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
