I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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