Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
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Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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