we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
