Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
honey bunches of taint.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
