Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
