we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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