I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
