I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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