A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
