be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There r osticjed everywhere
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
