Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
