I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
