I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he fucked my hip out of place.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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