I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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