there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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