..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize