I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
