quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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