It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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